PERUSAL COPY ONLY
MOONSHINE
MURDERS
Written by Terry Smith
Copyright Protection
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
This play (the “Play”) is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, whether through bilateral or multilateral treaties or otherwise, and including, but not limited to, all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention, the Universal Copyright Convention, and the Berne Convention.
Reservation of Rights. All rights to this Play are strictly reserved, including, without limitation, professional and amateur stage performance rights; motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video, and sound recording rights; rights to all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction now known or yet to be invented, such as CD-ROM, CD-I, DVD, photocopying, and information storage and retrieval systems; and the rights of translation into non-English languages.
Performance Licensing and Royalty Payments. Amateur and stock performance rights to this Play are controlled exclusively by Terry Smith (The “Playwright”). No amateur or stock production groups or individuals may perform this Play without obtaining advance written permission from the Playwright. Required royalty fees for performing this Play can be obtained from the Playwright. Although this book may have been obtained for a particular licensed performance, such performance rights, if any, are not transferable. Required royalties must be paid every time the Play is performed before any audience, whether or not it is presented for profit and whether or not admission is charged. All licensing requests and inquiries concerning amateur and stock performance rights should be addressed to the following:
Scott Cherney/Playwright Representative
1189 NE 89th Ave. Hillsboro, OR 97006 writtenbysc@gmail.com or the author:
Terry Smith
111 Peyton Road
Sterling, VA 20165
Character Motive
Bugsy Moronski (M): Bugsy Moronski [mo:’ron: ski]: Mob boss of the north side gang. Took mother’s last name. His father was Al Caponski Sr. Al Caponski Sr. was married to Betty Moronski. Bugsy has two brothers Johnnie and Al Caponski Jr. Victim.
Slow Pickens (M): Older gentleman who has been around for a while doing his stand-up routine. He has just arrived from New York to perform his nationally recognized routine “If Feet Could Talk.” No motive. Just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Snowy Fox (F): Owner of the hottest night club east of the Mississippi; sings, dances and has a head for business and a body for sin. She’s flirtatious but quickly shuts down any advances. Business first and men, well, they get whatever they deserve. She is very calculating and always tries to think ahead of everyone else. She knows people in the right places to protect her business and herself. Her real name in New York was Floss Osbeck. Bugsy provided Snowy with cheap moonshine. Snowy never asked where it came from but in return she would provide all expense paid nights at her club. As long as they knew the secret phrase. Some people knew about this and thought she was being blackmailed but it was only a business arrangement.
Blue Singa (F): Blue Singa [‘sing; a] Employee/star of night club: Singer; Think Betty Boop. She is smart but does not have a good head for business. Manipulates men to get what she wants by acting slow. Is looking for lifetime security and thought Bugsy Moronski was her ticket. Victim’s girlfriend, found out about affair with movie star and wasn’t happy. She went to confront him but Yum Yum was there. She threw a fit and left. The affair was only rumor and wasn’t true. In truth Yum Yum was there to talk to Bugsy about doing a movie on his life. He wanted to leave a legacy.
Al Caponski Jr (M):
Mobster Al Caponski [ca:’pon: ski] is the leader of the North Side gang in New York. He is strong, calculating and confident - a born killer. A hint of accent. Always calm and under control. His father was Al Caponski Sr. Al Caponski Sr. was married to Betty Moronski. Think of Rod Steiger. Al’s father murdered Al Caponski’s brother, John Caponski, because he thought John was stealing moonshine from him. Al learned about what his father had done and killed his father. Then he learned that it was Bugsy who had stolen the moonshine. He has come to get revenge on Bugsy for making it look like their brother was stealing. Al killed his father with a .45 and sent the murder weapon to his brother. It is the family symbol of death.
Kuper Kopper (M): Kuper is the Chief of Police and got there in a record amount of time. He is personal friends with Bugsy and works with him to keep the peace in this honest fun loving city. He is confident in what he does, and used to getting his way. He has a large presence and has little to no sense of humor. Kuper turns a blind eye to Bugsy’s business dealings but has learned that Bugsy had a ledger. He knows that his name is in the. He knows Curley and respects him to a degree. Think Humphrey Bogart. Bugsy helped get Kuper his role as Chief of Police. What nobody knows is that Bugsy is really Kopper’s father. He has no motive. The angle can be played that he wants to take over the family business. Al doesn’t know that Kopper is his nephew.
Curley Moe (M) Curley is Bugsy Moronski’s bodyguard. He was on guard the entire day ensuring only those who are authorized or scheduled got to see Bugsy. The character is calculating and very intelligent. He listens and redirects. He tends to gets wrapped around what he says. He likes to flirt with the ladies, is fearlessly loyal and is bent on finding his boss’s murderer. Curley knows Kuper but doesn’t trust him. Curley has always talked about being the big man on the block but is too loyal to hurt Bugsy. He really doesn’t have a motive to kill Bugsy.
Mata Harry (F): Madame of a very high society escort service. She is sexy, sultry, solver of problems, knows how to manipulate a man to get what she wants. She is direct in speech and has no problem putting men in their place. She uses her figure for an accent, talks like she owns the place, and commands attention wherever she goes. Think Mae West. Was in love with Bugsy. Had been for years but Bugsy wasn’t really interested. Was providing free “skirt service” to his guests just to win his approval. When Mata learned about Blue and Bugsy she was not happy. She wanted revenge and she makes things happen when she wants them too.
Audience Roles
Yum Yum Sugar (F – Movie Star): Movie Star: Has had a torrid affair with Bugsy. It had been rumored that her husband recently found out about the affair and demanded a divorce. She kept Affair w. victim, Using him to promote her career, he wanted to her to “be” with men who wanted her. She didn’t want to do it. Blue Singa found out about the affair and is furious.
Govy Furlough (M – Congressman): Politician whose name is in Mata Harry’s black book. The person has also taken bribes from Bugsy to not repeal prohibition. State tried to get victim to turn state’s evidence but he wouldn’t, so politician starts rumor that he is
Buck Launderer (M - Accountant): He was invited to come to the show tonight by Bugsy. At least that is what he thought. Al Caponski has secretly invited him in an effort to flush him out. He wants to meet with him, look at the books so he can take over the local operations.
Debbie Taunt (F –Socialite): Her father is John D. Stonefeller. He is the industrialist who is responsible for bringing this country together. He has done everything from trains, plans to automobiles.
Audience #1: (F – Alibi): This person is an alibi for Curley while he is running an errand for the boss.
Audience #2: (F – Alibi): This person is an alibi for Buck Launderer or for Al Caponski
Cue: (There is a 1920’s police siren in the distance that gradually gets louder and then fades away.)
(The scene opens with Blue Singa, Snowy Fox, Slow Pickens, and Al Caponski in the room.)
Snowy: (She walks over and looks at a window or opens a door to listen. As the siren fades away she turns to the audience and grins.) That’s the all clear sign, folks. (Moves quickly over to the stage microphone – 1920’s style.) Play it, Sam. (Blue leaves)
Sound Engineer: My name’s Phil!..
Cue: (Some instrumental 1920’s music kicks in.)
Snowy: (Motions to bring the music down.) Now the party can really begin. Welcome to Foxy’s Den.. (Get audience to applaud.) My name is Snowy Fox and this is the most famous, hush-hush, speakeasy on this side of the Mississippi- our gin is sloe and our tempo’s hoppin’! We’ll raise your spirits as we raise our glasses and we’ll bring the house down! (everyone drinks) Don’t you worry your pretty little heads because our morals are loose but our acts are tight! - And let me tell ya, tonight you’re in for a special treat. Tonight we’re gonna set the place ablaze with a gal whose got the voice of an angel and a body for sin. It’s the sultry, the sumptuous, the world renowned Blues Singa! -And once you’re on fire we’re gonna tear you up with the soul sound and comical grit of Slow Pickens! New York threatened to run her out on a rail, so I brought her here just for you - last night on the midnight train straight from The Cotton Club! Raise our glasses in honor of our guests. Everyone ready for a roaring night of fun? (Get them to cheer.)
Blue: (Enters quickly and looks around at the audience, doesn’t see what she is looking for and turns towards Snowy.) Snowy, Snowy have you seen him yet? Is he here?
Snowy: Is who here, Blue?
Blue: (A little emotional.) He said he would be here. He promised!
Snowy: (Concerned as Blue isn’t always this way.) Blue, who promised?
Blue: (Said like, silly, don’t you know.) Snowy, do you really need to ask?
Snowy: Well, I ain’t brushin’ up on small talk…
Blue: (Proudly states.) The only man in the town, no, the county, no, the whole state!
Snowy: (Said with sarcasm) –Before we cause a panic at the brothels, who’s this only man in the whole state?
Blue: Don’t be silly, Snow…(Said with reverence.) Bugsy, Bugsy Moronski!
Snowy: (Surprised and shocked) What. What? You can’t be serious!
Blue: It is serious. (A little emotional.) At least it was until that silver screen floosy Yum Yum Sugar slinked into town.
Snowy: She’s quite the star!
Blue: She’s a tramp!
Snowy: She’s here.
Blue: (The “what’s” are said the same way as Snowy said them. Angry now!) What. What? Where is she?
Snowy: You’re not going to create a scene are you?
Blue: Damn right I’m gonna create a scene! –That no-talent bimbo needs to learn a lesson! Bugsy’s my man!!! (Blue works her way through audience.)
Snowy: Now, Blue, calm down.
Blue: The hell with you and the hell with this. Where is she? Cause I’m going flapper-slappin’! Yum Yum, stand up. Come on! Stand up! Oh, I guess being on your feet just ain’t in your nature! (Adlib to get Yum all Yum to stand but make sure she stands.)
Snowy: (Snowy is trying to keep Blue from making a fool out of herself.) Blue.
Blue: (Closing in on Yum Yum) I saw you leaving Bugsy’s this morning! And I thought the trash went out on Fridays! Nothing to say, eh?.. Well, rumor has it that conversation ain’t your strongest talent! What do you have to say for yourself? Nothing? You’re damn right nothing.
Snowy: Blue! Enough!
Blue: (Ignores Snowy. Very close now.) Did Bugsy ask you to step out? -Let me orient you. That’s called a chair. Is it comfortable, sit on it or is it still a little too upright for you? Did Bugsy invite you?
Snowy: Blue!!!!
Blue: (All her anger turns towards Snowy.) What?
Al: (Interrupts the scene.) Ladies! Ladies, if I may. This young lady has generously accepted my request to attend tonight as a sign of respect to my family. (Blue interrupts.)
Blue: Your request?! With women like her, the cops call that solicitation. Who are you? Are you a local gentleman’s society pet, or did Snowy finally hire some wait staff for this dive?
Al: (Threatening but police.) Just this once, as a courtesy to Snowy, I will permit you to address me in that manner. I am a family woman running a family business. I do favors for my friends, and solve problems for those who are friendly to me and my family. What is important is that Miss Suga’ is a friend of mine and a guest. I would take it as a gesture of respect if you would treat her as your friend.
Snowy: Wait a minute. You invited her? Who invited you?
Blue: (To Al, ignoring Snowy.) Oh, I’m sure she’s a friend. (To Yum Yum) Cheating on my Bugsy already, eh tramp? (Meaning she’s out with Al Caponski. Gyrating her hips suggestively.) Don’t you know too much Italian’s bad for your hips?!
Al: Snowy….Forgive me but “the rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain”.
Snowy: (Didn’t quite hear.) Rain? (Snowy realizes that this is a code word for mob association. Overstate the phrase “rain in Spain” when you repeat it.) Oh…ohhhhh, the “rain in Spain.” Riggghttt!!! My apologies! Please enjoy your evening - compliments of the house- with, with my respect.
Al: Miss Singa, as you can see, this is all just a big misunderstanding.
Blue: Oh, I think that this is the only thing she does understand– (to Yum Yum) two-timing hussy!
Al: Miss Singa, Yum Yum was visiting Mr. Bugsy Moronski as a personal favor to me- as a sign of respect. She was dropping off a “package” that my father, (making the Sign of The Cross) God rest his soul, had left him upon his death. It had “sentimental” value to Mr. Moronski and to my father.
Blue: Word has it that “package handling” is Yum Yum’s specialty- she’s handled more packages than the Hollywood Post Office. (To Al) But Al, why didn’t you just drop it off yourself?
Al: Because there has been bad blood between me and my half-brother for the past few years – he broke my heart! Before anyone asks, same mother, different father. Two weeks ago, our father, - Al Caponski, SR - (Making the Sign of The Cross) God rest his soul, unexpectedly passed away and, in his will, he requested that I deliver a special package to Bugsy as a sign of respect. I knew Bugsy wouldn’t see me personally, so I “persuaded” Yum Yum to act on my behalf.
Blue: (Suspiciously) Persuaded? We all know what that means!!- sure.
Al: I am sure Yum Yum will agree that I made her an offer she couldn’t refuse - to act on my behalf. Isn’t that correct, Yum Yum? (Without waiting for an answer proceed.) See, it was just a favor in the business we have chosen. (A little menacing towards Yum Yum.) Now, please Yum Yum, take your seat. All this standing can be bad for your knees.
Snowy: (questioningly to Yum Yum) Really? (Accusingly to Al.) Really! Miss….
Al: Nobody…. Nobody you want to annoy.
Snowy: (To Al, trying to disarm the situation.) That must be hell to get onto a calling card! (Stares at her for a moment then moves on.) Blue – you’re singing in five! -And entertaining as you’ve been, the folks are here to hear you sing.
Blue: The entertainment that this crowd came for was made in a mob’s bootlegger’s bathtub.
Snowy: And wouldn’t that look dandy on the marquee in lights? The sultry, curvaceous Blue Singa starring in “The Mob’s Bootlegger’s Bathtub.” Really, Blue, liquor just pays the bills- you bring in the customers! (To the audience and get them to agree.) You’re here to hear Blue sing, isn’t that right, ladies and gentlemen? (Said to Blue.) Now go get ready, and break a leg. (To Al) Not you! You stay put! (Said to the audience.) While we wait for Blue, let’s see what other wildlife is in the Fox’s den tonight! I think we’ve all gotten (Al gets up to follow.) to know Mr. Nobody a little. –We’re still sticking with nobody, eh?
Al: Nessuno. Nobody is who I am.
Snowy: And let’s get a double-shot of self-esteem with a hug chaser of modesty to the lady with no name - on the house! (Moving towards Govy Furlough.) And who do we have here? I thought I saw you earlier. Govy Furlough, you should know better than to hide from me. (To audience.) Since cultured folks such as yourselves clearly can’t be preoccupied with reading, I’ll give you the skinny. Govy is the Senior Senator from our fine state! Stand up and meet your constituency (Get him to stand and get the audience to applaud.) He’s a humble servant of the people who doesn’t miss an opportunity to poll the electorate. So men, keep a close eye on your wives and daughters and a closer one on your wallets. But in all honesty, he’s our Senator from this great state and he’s the best politician money can buy. So remember to give him your vote- once, twice or three times even. But I’m not one to knock a fella down without giving him a chance to speak for himself, so the floor recognizes the Senior Senator. Have anything for the record?
Blue: I do – Bugsy said he was a crook!
Snowy: (Chuckling.) Ah yes…. Well, thank you, Blue. Govy, have a seat and enjoy your evening. Personally, I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes since they’re likely to be filled with cement before too long. Who else do we have with us tonight? I believe I saw Debbie Taunt, the John D. Stonefeller’s granddaughter, here as well. Go ahead and stand up, hon’- don’t be shy! It’s been days since anyone’s been bitten in my joint without payin’ for it. (Get her to stand up and get audience to applaud.) For all you eligible bachelors, she’s still single. I gotta warn you though, coming from a family like the Stonefellers, she’s got a lifestyle she’s accustomed to. Anything you would like to add, Ms. Taunt?
Blue: I do! She might be rich, but she can’t sing a lick. (Sing really bad in the background to mock Debbie.)
Snowy: We don’t lick sing here, Blue. Besides, when you’re that rich, you pay others to sing for you. Ms. Taunt, please take a seat and get comfortable.
Mata: (Enters and moves to take her seat.)
Snowy: (Seeing Mata.) And speaking of A-list entertainment, look who just arrived – fashionably late, I might add.
Mata: Darling, I was just letting you warm up the room for me. You know you can’t just crank up the heat without stocking the fire.
Snowy: Ladies and gentlemen, we are very fortunate indeed. (To Mata) You don’t grace us very often.
Mata: Even mongrels get to bask in the sun too, Snowy. And besides, I was in this neck of the woods tidying up some business.
Snowy: This, ladies and gentlemen, if I have to introduce this lady to you, you’re clearly not from our fair city is the most influential woman in the city. So for you, our out-of-towners, I am pleased to introduce Mata Harry. As some of you gents might know, she runs a high society entertainment business.
Mata: (Walks over to a table looks at a man.) Forget it, Workin’ Joe, you can’t even afford to dream about it. (To Snowy.) Are we waitin’ for somethin’, Snowy, or were we supposed to bring our own entertainment? I know workin’ Joe is hoping for his own entertainment!
Snowy: Not waiting for a thing.
Mata: Good. Now if only there was a seat. (Approaching a man with date in the audience.) Hey there, big boy- is this lap taken? (Starts to suggest that she’ll sit and stops.) Or maybe I’ll do you a favor and not. (Moves away.) Tell your wife how pretty she is or the only way you’re gonna feel soft, warm buns tonight is if you stop by the bakery.
Blue: (From behind screen) Snowy, if she takes a seat, you won’t get it back. Her real business is men and getting what she wants from them. Bugsy said she takes men’s money just for pleasure. She must be a pick pocket or somethin’.
Mata: (Adjusts herself.) Or somethin’!
Blue: Good for you- I hope they helped you draft a will, `cause talkin’ like that you’re gonna need it.
Snowy: Blue, Mata- no cat fights in my joint! That house is down the street! Now, before someone loses an eye, and in the spirit of making proper introductions - ladies and gentleman, and also the majority of you here- we have in our midst a bright star from the constellation, Hollywood. You know her from her films, “The Flapper” and, “Get Out. Get Under”.
Blue: (Interrupting bluntly.) More like, “Getting Under to Get Off”.
Snowy: Blue, you really oughta save your voice for your act. (Continuing with her introduction.) Her new picture, “Why Change Your Wife?”- men, not a word from any one of you - premiers next week. Gals, you’ve wanted to be her, and guys you’ve just wanted her - give a round of applause for Yum Yum Sugar! -Yum Yum, stand and take a bow! (Audience applauds.)
Blue: That’s right, stand up and bend over- it’s the only way anyone’s likely to recognize you!
Al: Miss Singa, may I share with you a term very near to my heart? Cement! Either engage in the business you have chosen and sing, or enjoy its embrace. There’s been enough theatrics from you tonight.
Blue: Well, if we’re lookin’ for theatrics, we can’t count on Yum Yum…
Snowy: (Cutting the escalating tension short) Soooo, before we turn into an angry mob. (looking at and indicating increasing suspicion towards Al). Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Blue Singa to the stage with, “My Loving Man”.
Blue: (Blue glides easily onto the stage like a queen confident in the mastery of her realm. Triumphant in her domain, she looks straight at Yum Yum as she says next line) This is for my baby-sweet Bugsy… Play it, Sam. Play it.
Sound Eng: Really? It’s Phil! What’s so hard about Phil?
Blue: (Blue, oblivious to the protest makes a motion to start music. The song is personal and Blue has changed the lyrics. Be strong during the song but parts of it will be emotional.) Doesn’t matter just play it! (During the song Curley Moe enters and gives the ledger he has to an audience person.)
Music Cue: (Music: My Loving Man Lyrics: Cynthia Saari)
I've been in love with you for all time.
Bugsy, you know that this is so.
I cherish you.
You know it's true.
You are my lover boy.
I never asked you for a handcuff.
I know our love is gonna' last.
You are my man.
My loving man
How can I make you know?
Bugsy, you make my heart skip a beat,
My Casanova.
You are my heart's desire.
I need you by my side,
Oh Bugsy, how I love you.
You are the best thing that has ever happened in my life.
Bugsy, I treasure you.
I want a lifetime to be forever in your arms.
(During the song, Curley Moe enters and gives the ledger to audience #1.)
Hello Hello
How could you leave me all alone
Alone
Alone
How am I to be alone
Bugsy Bugsy
Why won’t ou answer when I call
Oh no,
Oh no,
I think that there’s something wrong
Thank you, all! You’re a great crowd (looking at Yum Yum) -mostly. Have another drink before it gets legal, and I’ll be back in a tick to keep us disreputable. It seems a wash-out has left me glistening, and my nose needs a powder. So it’s ciao, but only for now. (She goes to exit.)
Snowy: (From the mic stand.) Let’s have a round of applause for her…. Where else are you going to get a song with that voice and improv all at once? -Maybe something just a little more upbeat next time, eh Blue?
Curley: (Cutting Snowy off.) Hold it right there, doll face.
Snowy: Doll face? I’m not a toy, and I don’t play - not in my joint.
Curley: (Looking around.) Cozy little watering hole ya got here and a regular menagerie of wildlife come to drink.
Snowy: What do you want? And make it quick before you hurt yourself with all those big words.
Curley: Not you, the canary!
Blue: (You know Curley so you’re surprised he is being so mysterious.) Me?
Curley: You answered, `nd I ain’t seein’ no ones else that’s a canary- so good guess. I’s wants to talk to ya!
Snowy: Just a minute there, Mac….Curley needs to be face to face with Snowy.)
Curley: (Cuts Snowy off.) Doll face! Names not Mac and all this chit-chat’s gonna do is get you acquainted with a doctor, but not the way your mama hoped for you. –I’m talkin’ to the canary, so shut your yap or else. (To the audience) –And that goes for the rest’a yous too. There ain’t no group discount at the hospital or undertaker.
Blue: Curley Moe, we can be reasonable- you don’t have to be a brute about this.
Snowy: Reasonable went out the window with “doll face”, Blue, and when Mac here started givin’ me orders in my place. Why in the hell should I be quiet?
Curley: That’s Curley Moe, doll face, or don’t you hear so good? -I guess not if you booked her to sing.
Snowy: I can spot a stooge at a mile, Curley Moe but I ain’t havin’ to look that far. And I sure as hell ain’t heard no reason to be quiet and not have you tossed out and back into the gutter you crawled out of.
Curley: (Tapping the bulge under his coat as he speaks) I have a bean shooter under my jacket that will be happy to give you six reasons (holds up 5 fingers.) to keep your yap closed.
Mata: (Not intimidated) Is it six or five?
Curley: Whaddaya mean six or five?
Mata: Well, you said six but you only held up five fingers. So which is it?
Curley: Listen doll, I only have five fingers to hold up.
Mata: So, little man, there can only be 5 reasons.
Curley: No, there’s six - cause I have six bullets.
Mata: So why didn’t you hold up six fingers?
Curley: I’m gonna drill ya if you don’t stop it!
Mata: This mouth gets me drilled all the time, but I’ve got standards and you don’t come close to meeting `em.
Blue: Mata, he’s got a gun!
Curley: A big one.
Mata: Well, don’t jerk it too fast, baby- it’s liable to go off too soon. But you know all about that, don’t you?
Blue: Curley, say your peace. You and Mata can flirt later.
Curley: I need you to…. Oh sorry. Boss said I should always be polite to a lady with nice bubs and well I know you ain’t a lady but your bubs are nice and you are a broad and I can’t see why it wouldn’t apply to broads with nice bubs – politeness is so confusing. How about I just introduce myself - I’m Curley…Curley Moe.
Mata: Pleased to meet ya.
Blue: I know who you are, Curley. You’re Bugsy Moronski’s muscle, Mata- I see him `round Bugsy’s place all the time. –But my Bugsy wouldn’t send him to speak to me unless (glancing at Yum Yum). Yum Yum, stand up!
Curley: Yummy stay seated! I know you know who I am. I’m just trying to treat you the way my boss would want me to treat you.
Blue: (a little nervous) Treat me for what?
Curley: I wanna treat you nice and ask ya a few questions - Bugsy-related stuff.
Blue: (A little defiant.) And if I don’t feel like answering?
Curley: You have to answer.
Blue: (A little scared.) Why?
Curley: Because I said so.
Mata: She doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to!
Blue: When Bugsy hears how you’re talkin’ to me, it will be the last thing you ever hear. Yeah, the last thing.
Curley: (Incredulously) Yeah - you would say that, wouldn’t you? Set the stage for your audience.
Blue: My audience. Mr. Nobody over there just waltzes and starts talking about the rain in Spain or Germany or something like that and he gets the red carpet.
Curely: What, what’d ya say? (Turns around and sees Al.) Her? (Pointing at Al.) That woman is not a nobody!
Al: I’m thinking I want to hear this man’s questions too (to Blue) and your answers. I’m starting to get the sense that his business interests may intersect with mine.
Blue: Mr. Nobody speaks again! How’s a nobody know Bugsy’s muscle?
Mata: Because, that nobody is somebody, Blue. Snowy, your joint’s just turning into a who’s-who collection of low life scum. Blue, meet Al Caponski.
Blue: (Aghast) The Al Caponski?
Al: There ain’t no other.
Mata: Al’s a real high profile low-life. She’s sent so many guys to sleep with the fishes, they call her The Codfather. I’d say I was surprised you didn’t recognize her, Blue- but I overlooked her myself- I must be slippin’. She blends into the shadows real natural, don’t she? How’s things with the cozy nostrils?
Al: (Laughing off annoyance) Fine and how are you, Mata? It’s been too long –or not long enough, I can’t decide which.
Mata: Whatever do you mean, Al?
Al: You still pumpin’ guys for what you want?
Mata: Depends on the guy and what I want. You still pumpin’ `em full of lead for what you want?
Al: At least my way’s done upright.
Mata: Somebody’s got a lack of imagination. You know, you’re still that bully I knew as a kid. By the way, I was genuinely saddened to hear about your father.
Al: Save the sad songs for the canary. He never spoke of you.
Mata: Why would he?
Al: Don’t play games with me!
Mata: I’m not!
Al: You manipulate people!
Mata: I’m an information broker.
Al: Right and I’m Elliot Ness.
Curley: No – you’re Al Caponski.
Blue: Junior!
Al: (To Blue.) And you’d better sleep with one eye open! Mata, you’re lucky we’ve got history, and that my father, (making the Sign of The Cross) God rest his soul, respected you.
Curley: You got history with a lot of our friends, Al. Many of them dead! How long you been in town?
Al: Long enough to know Bugsy’s runnin’ it like he don’t want the job no more.
Curly: Which leads me to ask, what’s your business here?
Al: Family business.
Curly: (Suspiciously) Family business…right! Sad thing is that Bugsy would’a taken it as a sign of great disrespect had he heard you was in town and not come to see him. You know, Bugsy forgave you for that thing on Valentine’s Day. You always played a wicked Chicago piano, Al- a true artist. Bugsy, he never asked any questions and just accepted it as part of the business we have chosen. But not coming to see your own flesh and blood that would have broken his heart….
Al: Bugsy broke my heart!
Curly: You broke his heart first!
Mata: (To Snowy) D’ya feel that? I think their cycles are syncing up!
Al & Curly: (To Mata) Shaddap!
Mata: And now they’re bonding….
Blue: (Confused) How do you know my man Mr. Caponski?
Mata: Because Blue, they’re brother and sister.
Al: Half-brothers.
Blue: But you look nothing alike….
Curley: That’s because Al is Italian-American, and Bugsy is American-Italian.
Blue: That’s the same thing!
Curley: No it’s not!
Blue: Yes, it is!
Curley: No it’s not!
Blue: Yes, it is!
Al: Stop it the two of you’s before I put both of you’s on ice!
Curley: You can try!
Al: My father (making the Sign of The Cross) and that fettucine carbonara – Bugsy’s father - broke my Ma’s heart!
Mata: (To the audience in general) Is anyone else picking up on a theme in this family? (Looking around) Broken hearts!
Kuper: (Enters, unnoticed in the verbal melee. Stands at the edge of the commotion, observing.)
Curly: Your brother would’a forgave you for disrespecting him. If only, you would’a reached out to him.
Blue: What do you mean, would’a? Why do you keep talking about my Bugsy in the past tents?
Mata: Tense, darling, tense. –Christ, now I’m my third grade teacher.
Kuper: Tense is pretty good description of what we have going on here tonight.
Blue: It’s a raid!!! Everyone, run for it. (Want audience to get up and start to leave. In the chaos, Curley gets a table to stand up and start to walk out. Hide in the middle of them.) It’s Kopper!
Kuper: Everyone, stay in your seats and this isn’t a raid. I came alone. (Curley starts working his way out of the room with his table.)
Snowy: If this isn’t a raid, then why are you here?
Kuper: I am looking for Curley Moe.
Mata: Kuper - Curley is trying to sneak out.
Kuper: Curley! Get over here!!!
Curley: Mata, what did I ever do to ya that ya’d rat me out?
Mata: Nothing – you never gave me anything.
Curley: You never asked.
Mata: You should have known.
Curley: I should have known about something that ya’ never asked about resulting in ya’ ratting me out for something I didn’t know. (Pause) Are we married?
Kuper: Curely! Stop fooling around and get over here!
Snowy: (Uneasy) So Detective Kopper, if this isn’t raid, is this a bust, or is it something else?
Kuper: (Looking Snowy up and down) It’s respectable. (Seeing Mata.) Well, hello Mata.
Mata: Detective.
Kuper: Mata.
Mata: Detective. (Kuper goes to respond Mata stops him.) Don’t! What brings you here tonight? I thought you picked up your kickbacks the first of the month?
Kuper: Funny, Mata. You know I’m clean. I’m just a detective doing his job. The job the district attorney gave me.
Mata: (Looking around.) He’s here for his payoff too? Be careful, Snowy, any more humble, public servants and this place might get a reputation for bein’ reputable.
Al: And if you’re rootin’ around with questions, pig- that means you ain’t got nothin’ on no one, and we could all just leave.
Kuper: Afraid not, Al. Look around…I don’t see a table in this joint that ain’t got a glass of illegal liquor on it. I figured things might get a little rough, so I brought the whole vice squad with me to help round everybody in the place up if they leave before my say so. They’re outside right now, all I have to do is call.
Al: You can’t call if you ain’t breathin’!
Snowy: (Very nervous) There’s no need to be hasty! I mean, we’re just talking about some questions, right?
Al: Not really. Questions means answers, answers mean trouble and trouble is something I don’t need. So, let me put things in perspective for you. I happen to know that the mayor likes a nice, single-malt scotch from time to time, and I know how he goes about getting’ it. I don’t think he wants me spillin’ my guts on the booze racket. Ain’t that right?
Kuper: Maybe not- but do you know a guy by the name of Louie The Weasel?
Al: (Smiling) Sure, poor guy had an accident. He got hit by a train- twice. (Chuckling) Pop goes The Weasel! (More chuckling.)
Curley: That’s pretty funny, Al!
Kuper: And a good citizen stepped forward to make an identification for the one who helped The Weasel onto the track. How you feel about a line-up there, Al? Shall I continue?
Curley: Go ahead, Kopper. I’m sure they’ll find out sooner or later. I would have just preferred they found out later.
Kuper: Everyone - Bugsy Moronski is dead.
Blue: What do you mean, Bugsy’s dead?!
Kuper: I dunno, how many meanings are there? He’s teets-up… Beddin’ down for a dirt nap… Takin’ harp lessons from St. Peter…
Blue: (Distraught with the news settling in) Dead! DEAD!!!!! How did it happen?
Kuper: The normal way, he stopped breathin’.
Blue: How could he do that to me? (Blue runs off crying. Snowy goes to her side.)
Mata: Is this some kind of scam?
Kuper: I assure you it isn’t.
Snowy: Are you sure it’s Bugsy?
Kuper: I’m sure. Just ask Curley!
Curley: Yep, he’s a stiff all right. (Blue cries louder and Snowy continues to comfort her.)
Al: Kopper….I demand protection. I don’t want any of those cheap flat foots but someone like …. Yeah someone like you!
Kuper: Why would you, the great Al Caponski, heir to become the leader of one of the most public organizations in the world, want with my protection?
Al: Geesh, do I have to draw you a picture with all those dots on it? That should be obvious. First my brother Johnnie, (Making the sign of the cross), God rest his soul, about a month ago, then my father, (Making the sign of the cross), God rest his soul, and now, (Making the sign of the cross), God rest his soul, my brother. It is only a matter of time before they get me.
Mata: Kopper – Johnnie Caponski and Al Caponski Sr., her father and older brother were found dead with a bullet between their eyes. It makes sense that Al would be next. Someone’s moving in. Everyone is tight lipped on the subject.
Kuper: You know this how?
Mata: Govy Furlough told me.
Snowy: Then, how did Bugsy die?
Kuper: I’m not at liberty to discuss that.
Curley: The same way as Caponski’s dad and brother.
Kuper: Curley, so help me!
Curley: I did help you. I told everyone how Bugsy died!
Kuper: That’s not helping.
Curley: Yes, it is!
Kuper: No, it’s not!
Curley: Yes, it is!
Kuper: No, it’s not!
Al: Will the two of you give it a rest before someone puts me to rest!
Kuper: You may have a point. Curley, since you were Bugsy’s body guard, why don’t you provide Ms. Caponski the same quality protection?
Al: Oh, no, you don’t. I don’t want the mighty mite here who couldn’t keep my own brother safe, no offense meant.
Curley: I assure you I’m offended. Kopper, I won’t do it.
Kuper: Why not?
Curley: I’m here to find Bugsy’s killer.
Kuper: And what will you do when you find them?
Curley: I’m Bugsy’s Button man – what do you think?
Snowy: Well, button man, do you know who did it?
Curley: Yes, I do….
Blue: He’s here to kill me. (She exits.)
Curley: What a sap. (Takes off after her.)
Kuper: Hmm, this was unexpected. Nobody leave. (Goes to go after them. Stops.) I’ll be right back. (Goes after the other two. Stops again.) Get a drink or something. Curley, don’t you lay a hand on Blue until I get a chance to talk to her.
Snowy: (Goes to microphone.) Well, ladies and gentlemen, that is why Foxy’s Den is the most exciting gin joint this side of the Mississippi. Now Blue was supposed to sing the next song but I don’t think she is available. So it looks like it will have to be me. Can we have everyone please take their seats?
Al: You are just going to go on with the show?
Snowy: Of course. This is a speakeasy. I can’t do anything about this other matter since it is in police hands. So – play it, Sam.
Techie: My name is Phil! Dames!!!
Cue (Music: Moonshine Hustle (By the Beautiful Sea)
(During this time Curley, Kopper and Blue will be coming in and exiting. The words need to help them move.)
When you run moonshine, you’re a business man
Keeping the fam’ly fed the best you can.
It don’t matter what copper knows
I’m on my toes
He won’t get close
By corn, sell shine, that’s how you make a buck
Sing in the gin joints, never down on my luck,
Hiding from the bull,
Watch the double cross,
No, you won’t catch me.
Verse 1
On the run, on the lam, copper is closing in
Hide the hooch, Keep your lips sealed, FBI raid!
Rain in Spain mainly on the plain.
Who are your true friends?
Keep your adversaries even closer.
Frame a fall guy who’s left holding the bag.
Slip away, bullets spray, I avoid a squeeze play.
Copper’s a sap. Running bootlegs a breeze.
You can’t catch me,
No, you can’t catch me.
Verse 2
Tired now on the running. I cannot stop yet
Peddle shine, visit friends and collect on a bet,
Rain in Spain still is on the Plain.
Where are you true friends?
Never let your adversaries
out of sight or you will be had.
Slip away, bullets spray, I am not a cliché
Copper’s a sap. Running bootlegs a breeze.
You can’t catch me,
No you can’t catch me.
Thank you, everyone. Thank you.
Blue: (Wait for applause to end. Come running in, Curley following, Kopper just behind.) I give up. Just shoot me, Curley, and get it over with.
Curley: I’m not going to shoot you.
Kuper: What do you mean you’re not going to shoot her? Why were you chasing her?
Curley: I wanted to ask her some questions.
Mata: This is more fun than a night with you, Govy – a lotta more action and we actually get somewhere. Yum Yum, do you have any real life stories that rival this? (Pause for Yum Yum.) Didn’t think so – actors are so boring.
Snowy: Nice to see we are all one big happy family again.
Kuper: Curley, why do you need to talk to Blue?
Blue: (Weeping) Because I was the last one to see Bugsy today.
Al: Was he alive when you saw him?
Blue: (Crying.) No.
Kuper: When was that?
Blue: 4pm.
Kuper: There we have it. Maybe we can start to get to the bottom of this mess now.
Snowy: I agree. Blue, why did you ask if he was coming tonight if you knew he was dead?
Blue: (Still crying.) If I said anything, someone might think I did it and I didn’t do it. (Walks over and borrows a handkerchief.) You using this? (Picks it up and blows her nose.) Thank you.
Mata: If you didn’t do it, you should have said something. Now we all think you did do it.
Blue: (Whimpering.) Bees knees. If I said nothing, you’d think I did it and now I said something and you still think I did it.
Kuper: So did you do it?
Blue: No, I didn’t do it. How many times must I say it? (Stomping her foot down.) I didn’t do it….I didn’t do it…I didn’t do it. (Pause.) How did he die?
Curley: Lead poisoning.
Al: Seems to be an epidemic these days.
Kuper: Hey can’t you see the dear lamb’s grapplin’ with all kinds’a emotions? (To Blue) It was lobotomy. Up close ‘n personal. Damn near took his face clean off like it did the back of his head. Real messy, let me tell ya! Two detectives lost their lunches right there! (Seeing Blue getting sick to her stomach.) Sorry, but he didn’t feel a thing – probably.
Al: Kuper…you’re a real piece of work, ya’ know! But what I can’t figure out is – the canary (pointing at Blue) there said she was there at the same time as Yum Yum and that was around 10:30 (am).
Curley: Oh, she was early. Her standard appointment with Bugsy was at 4:00pm. I tried to get her to leave but she walked in on Yum Yum and Bugsy.
Blue: But I didn’t do it.
Kuper: Nobody said you did it.
Blue: But you think I did it.
Kuper: Dry up, doll. You’re coming with me down to the clubhouse for questioning.
Blue: Not goin’…no sirree, not doin’ it. I know what questionin’ means. You’ll lock me in a room and give me lots of water and you won’t let me use the john.
Snowy: Hold on a minute, Kopper. Blue still has another song to sing. You don’t have anything on her so why don’t you just leave and come back when you have something more substantial?
Kuper: May I remind you, Snowy, that you only keep this joint open because I turn a blind eye to your “legal” operation?
Snowy: So are you going to threaten me when Senator Furlough, Yum Yum Sugar and Debbie Taunt are here? In front of all these very important people, you want to shut down this establishment? You’re that dumb, Kopper?
Kuper: (Looks around.) I’ll wait.
Snowy: That’s what I thought.
Curley: I’m outta here.
Kuper: You can go if you wanna.
Curley: You’re not gonna try an’ stop me?
Kuper: No.
Mata: Why you being so soft?
Kuper: Not being soft. It just so happens that Pat Mulcahy and four of his biggest, ugliest brothers are on the Vice Squad – just outside.
Curley: What of it? I ain’t got a beef with the man.
Kuper: No, but your side hustle with collections had you meet their wee brother, Matty over the matter of a pony, I think. Sad thing is that wee Matty could dance the jig like the Devil himself before you met him, and not so much now.
Curley: He needed to be reminded of his financial obligations to my employer. Legs get broke sometimes.
Kuper: And I’m sure Pat and the boys are eager to have you explain it to them- they have a few questions of their own for you…. Or, you can stay in Snowy’s lovely establishment a spell longer and answer mine.
(Curley takes a seat.)
Curley: Looks like I’m stayin’ too.
Kuper: That’s a good idea and you might want to buy Mata a drink seeing how she saved your life.
Curley: I have to admit, Kuper, that’s a good idea.
Mata: Whadda you say we all go get a drink/dinner?
Snowy: Hey everyone! The bar’s open. If you ain’t drinkin’ there somethin’ wrong with ya’. I can’t pay these bills with looks alone! So men, get your wallets open and buy the special someone a drink. I’ll be back after I check on few business matters.
SO ENDS THIS PERUSAL COPY OF "MOONSHINE MURDERS".
The possession of this PERUSAL SCRIPT does not grant performance rights to this play. Proper application must be made to SCOTT CHERNEY/ PLAYWRIGHT REPRESENTATIVE at: writtenbysc@gmail.com before performances may be given. Do not duplicate this script without license or written permission.
MOONSHINE
MURDERS
Written by Terry Smith
Copyright Protection
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
This play (the “Play”) is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, whether through bilateral or multilateral treaties or otherwise, and including, but not limited to, all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention, the Universal Copyright Convention, and the Berne Convention.
Reservation of Rights. All rights to this Play are strictly reserved, including, without limitation, professional and amateur stage performance rights; motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video, and sound recording rights; rights to all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction now known or yet to be invented, such as CD-ROM, CD-I, DVD, photocopying, and information storage and retrieval systems; and the rights of translation into non-English languages.
Performance Licensing and Royalty Payments. Amateur and stock performance rights to this Play are controlled exclusively by Terry Smith (The “Playwright”). No amateur or stock production groups or individuals may perform this Play without obtaining advance written permission from the Playwright. Required royalty fees for performing this Play can be obtained from the Playwright. Although this book may have been obtained for a particular licensed performance, such performance rights, if any, are not transferable. Required royalties must be paid every time the Play is performed before any audience, whether or not it is presented for profit and whether or not admission is charged. All licensing requests and inquiries concerning amateur and stock performance rights should be addressed to the following:
Scott Cherney/Playwright Representative
1189 NE 89th Ave. Hillsboro, OR 97006 writtenbysc@gmail.com or the author:
Terry Smith
111 Peyton Road
Sterling, VA 20165
Character Motive
Bugsy Moronski (M): Bugsy Moronski [mo:’ron: ski]: Mob boss of the north side gang. Took mother’s last name. His father was Al Caponski Sr. Al Caponski Sr. was married to Betty Moronski. Bugsy has two brothers Johnnie and Al Caponski Jr. Victim.
Slow Pickens (M): Older gentleman who has been around for a while doing his stand-up routine. He has just arrived from New York to perform his nationally recognized routine “If Feet Could Talk.” No motive. Just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Snowy Fox (F): Owner of the hottest night club east of the Mississippi; sings, dances and has a head for business and a body for sin. She’s flirtatious but quickly shuts down any advances. Business first and men, well, they get whatever they deserve. She is very calculating and always tries to think ahead of everyone else. She knows people in the right places to protect her business and herself. Her real name in New York was Floss Osbeck. Bugsy provided Snowy with cheap moonshine. Snowy never asked where it came from but in return she would provide all expense paid nights at her club. As long as they knew the secret phrase. Some people knew about this and thought she was being blackmailed but it was only a business arrangement.
Blue Singa (F): Blue Singa [‘sing; a] Employee/star of night club: Singer; Think Betty Boop. She is smart but does not have a good head for business. Manipulates men to get what she wants by acting slow. Is looking for lifetime security and thought Bugsy Moronski was her ticket. Victim’s girlfriend, found out about affair with movie star and wasn’t happy. She went to confront him but Yum Yum was there. She threw a fit and left. The affair was only rumor and wasn’t true. In truth Yum Yum was there to talk to Bugsy about doing a movie on his life. He wanted to leave a legacy.
Al Caponski Jr (M):
Mobster Al Caponski [ca:’pon: ski] is the leader of the North Side gang in New York. He is strong, calculating and confident - a born killer. A hint of accent. Always calm and under control. His father was Al Caponski Sr. Al Caponski Sr. was married to Betty Moronski. Think of Rod Steiger. Al’s father murdered Al Caponski’s brother, John Caponski, because he thought John was stealing moonshine from him. Al learned about what his father had done and killed his father. Then he learned that it was Bugsy who had stolen the moonshine. He has come to get revenge on Bugsy for making it look like their brother was stealing. Al killed his father with a .45 and sent the murder weapon to his brother. It is the family symbol of death.
Kuper Kopper (M): Kuper is the Chief of Police and got there in a record amount of time. He is personal friends with Bugsy and works with him to keep the peace in this honest fun loving city. He is confident in what he does, and used to getting his way. He has a large presence and has little to no sense of humor. Kuper turns a blind eye to Bugsy’s business dealings but has learned that Bugsy had a ledger. He knows that his name is in the. He knows Curley and respects him to a degree. Think Humphrey Bogart. Bugsy helped get Kuper his role as Chief of Police. What nobody knows is that Bugsy is really Kopper’s father. He has no motive. The angle can be played that he wants to take over the family business. Al doesn’t know that Kopper is his nephew.
Curley Moe (M) Curley is Bugsy Moronski’s bodyguard. He was on guard the entire day ensuring only those who are authorized or scheduled got to see Bugsy. The character is calculating and very intelligent. He listens and redirects. He tends to gets wrapped around what he says. He likes to flirt with the ladies, is fearlessly loyal and is bent on finding his boss’s murderer. Curley knows Kuper but doesn’t trust him. Curley has always talked about being the big man on the block but is too loyal to hurt Bugsy. He really doesn’t have a motive to kill Bugsy.
Mata Harry (F): Madame of a very high society escort service. She is sexy, sultry, solver of problems, knows how to manipulate a man to get what she wants. She is direct in speech and has no problem putting men in their place. She uses her figure for an accent, talks like she owns the place, and commands attention wherever she goes. Think Mae West. Was in love with Bugsy. Had been for years but Bugsy wasn’t really interested. Was providing free “skirt service” to his guests just to win his approval. When Mata learned about Blue and Bugsy she was not happy. She wanted revenge and she makes things happen when she wants them too.
Audience Roles
Yum Yum Sugar (F – Movie Star): Movie Star: Has had a torrid affair with Bugsy. It had been rumored that her husband recently found out about the affair and demanded a divorce. She kept Affair w. victim, Using him to promote her career, he wanted to her to “be” with men who wanted her. She didn’t want to do it. Blue Singa found out about the affair and is furious.
Govy Furlough (M – Congressman): Politician whose name is in Mata Harry’s black book. The person has also taken bribes from Bugsy to not repeal prohibition. State tried to get victim to turn state’s evidence but he wouldn’t, so politician starts rumor that he is
Buck Launderer (M - Accountant): He was invited to come to the show tonight by Bugsy. At least that is what he thought. Al Caponski has secretly invited him in an effort to flush him out. He wants to meet with him, look at the books so he can take over the local operations.
Debbie Taunt (F –Socialite): Her father is John D. Stonefeller. He is the industrialist who is responsible for bringing this country together. He has done everything from trains, plans to automobiles.
Audience #1: (F – Alibi): This person is an alibi for Curley while he is running an errand for the boss.
Audience #2: (F – Alibi): This person is an alibi for Buck Launderer or for Al Caponski
Cue: (There is a 1920’s police siren in the distance that gradually gets louder and then fades away.)
(The scene opens with Blue Singa, Snowy Fox, Slow Pickens, and Al Caponski in the room.)
Snowy: (She walks over and looks at a window or opens a door to listen. As the siren fades away she turns to the audience and grins.) That’s the all clear sign, folks. (Moves quickly over to the stage microphone – 1920’s style.) Play it, Sam. (Blue leaves)
Sound Engineer: My name’s Phil!..
Cue: (Some instrumental 1920’s music kicks in.)
Snowy: (Motions to bring the music down.) Now the party can really begin. Welcome to Foxy’s Den.. (Get audience to applaud.) My name is Snowy Fox and this is the most famous, hush-hush, speakeasy on this side of the Mississippi- our gin is sloe and our tempo’s hoppin’! We’ll raise your spirits as we raise our glasses and we’ll bring the house down! (everyone drinks) Don’t you worry your pretty little heads because our morals are loose but our acts are tight! - And let me tell ya, tonight you’re in for a special treat. Tonight we’re gonna set the place ablaze with a gal whose got the voice of an angel and a body for sin. It’s the sultry, the sumptuous, the world renowned Blues Singa! -And once you’re on fire we’re gonna tear you up with the soul sound and comical grit of Slow Pickens! New York threatened to run her out on a rail, so I brought her here just for you - last night on the midnight train straight from The Cotton Club! Raise our glasses in honor of our guests. Everyone ready for a roaring night of fun? (Get them to cheer.)
Blue: (Enters quickly and looks around at the audience, doesn’t see what she is looking for and turns towards Snowy.) Snowy, Snowy have you seen him yet? Is he here?
Snowy: Is who here, Blue?
Blue: (A little emotional.) He said he would be here. He promised!
Snowy: (Concerned as Blue isn’t always this way.) Blue, who promised?
Blue: (Said like, silly, don’t you know.) Snowy, do you really need to ask?
Snowy: Well, I ain’t brushin’ up on small talk…
Blue: (Proudly states.) The only man in the town, no, the county, no, the whole state!
Snowy: (Said with sarcasm) –Before we cause a panic at the brothels, who’s this only man in the whole state?
Blue: Don’t be silly, Snow…(Said with reverence.) Bugsy, Bugsy Moronski!
Snowy: (Surprised and shocked) What. What? You can’t be serious!
Blue: It is serious. (A little emotional.) At least it was until that silver screen floosy Yum Yum Sugar slinked into town.
Snowy: She’s quite the star!
Blue: She’s a tramp!
Snowy: She’s here.
Blue: (The “what’s” are said the same way as Snowy said them. Angry now!) What. What? Where is she?
Snowy: You’re not going to create a scene are you?
Blue: Damn right I’m gonna create a scene! –That no-talent bimbo needs to learn a lesson! Bugsy’s my man!!! (Blue works her way through audience.)
Snowy: Now, Blue, calm down.
Blue: The hell with you and the hell with this. Where is she? Cause I’m going flapper-slappin’! Yum Yum, stand up. Come on! Stand up! Oh, I guess being on your feet just ain’t in your nature! (Adlib to get Yum all Yum to stand but make sure she stands.)
Snowy: (Snowy is trying to keep Blue from making a fool out of herself.) Blue.
Blue: (Closing in on Yum Yum) I saw you leaving Bugsy’s this morning! And I thought the trash went out on Fridays! Nothing to say, eh?.. Well, rumor has it that conversation ain’t your strongest talent! What do you have to say for yourself? Nothing? You’re damn right nothing.
Snowy: Blue! Enough!
Blue: (Ignores Snowy. Very close now.) Did Bugsy ask you to step out? -Let me orient you. That’s called a chair. Is it comfortable, sit on it or is it still a little too upright for you? Did Bugsy invite you?
Snowy: Blue!!!!
Blue: (All her anger turns towards Snowy.) What?
Al: (Interrupts the scene.) Ladies! Ladies, if I may. This young lady has generously accepted my request to attend tonight as a sign of respect to my family. (Blue interrupts.)
Blue: Your request?! With women like her, the cops call that solicitation. Who are you? Are you a local gentleman’s society pet, or did Snowy finally hire some wait staff for this dive?
Al: (Threatening but police.) Just this once, as a courtesy to Snowy, I will permit you to address me in that manner. I am a family woman running a family business. I do favors for my friends, and solve problems for those who are friendly to me and my family. What is important is that Miss Suga’ is a friend of mine and a guest. I would take it as a gesture of respect if you would treat her as your friend.
Snowy: Wait a minute. You invited her? Who invited you?
Blue: (To Al, ignoring Snowy.) Oh, I’m sure she’s a friend. (To Yum Yum) Cheating on my Bugsy already, eh tramp? (Meaning she’s out with Al Caponski. Gyrating her hips suggestively.) Don’t you know too much Italian’s bad for your hips?!
Al: Snowy….Forgive me but “the rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain”.
Snowy: (Didn’t quite hear.) Rain? (Snowy realizes that this is a code word for mob association. Overstate the phrase “rain in Spain” when you repeat it.) Oh…ohhhhh, the “rain in Spain.” Riggghttt!!! My apologies! Please enjoy your evening - compliments of the house- with, with my respect.
Al: Miss Singa, as you can see, this is all just a big misunderstanding.
Blue: Oh, I think that this is the only thing she does understand– (to Yum Yum) two-timing hussy!
Al: Miss Singa, Yum Yum was visiting Mr. Bugsy Moronski as a personal favor to me- as a sign of respect. She was dropping off a “package” that my father, (making the Sign of The Cross) God rest his soul, had left him upon his death. It had “sentimental” value to Mr. Moronski and to my father.
Blue: Word has it that “package handling” is Yum Yum’s specialty- she’s handled more packages than the Hollywood Post Office. (To Al) But Al, why didn’t you just drop it off yourself?
Al: Because there has been bad blood between me and my half-brother for the past few years – he broke my heart! Before anyone asks, same mother, different father. Two weeks ago, our father, - Al Caponski, SR - (Making the Sign of The Cross) God rest his soul, unexpectedly passed away and, in his will, he requested that I deliver a special package to Bugsy as a sign of respect. I knew Bugsy wouldn’t see me personally, so I “persuaded” Yum Yum to act on my behalf.
Blue: (Suspiciously) Persuaded? We all know what that means!!- sure.
Al: I am sure Yum Yum will agree that I made her an offer she couldn’t refuse - to act on my behalf. Isn’t that correct, Yum Yum? (Without waiting for an answer proceed.) See, it was just a favor in the business we have chosen. (A little menacing towards Yum Yum.) Now, please Yum Yum, take your seat. All this standing can be bad for your knees.
Snowy: (questioningly to Yum Yum) Really? (Accusingly to Al.) Really! Miss….
Al: Nobody…. Nobody you want to annoy.
Snowy: (To Al, trying to disarm the situation.) That must be hell to get onto a calling card! (Stares at her for a moment then moves on.) Blue – you’re singing in five! -And entertaining as you’ve been, the folks are here to hear you sing.
Blue: The entertainment that this crowd came for was made in a mob’s bootlegger’s bathtub.
Snowy: And wouldn’t that look dandy on the marquee in lights? The sultry, curvaceous Blue Singa starring in “The Mob’s Bootlegger’s Bathtub.” Really, Blue, liquor just pays the bills- you bring in the customers! (To the audience and get them to agree.) You’re here to hear Blue sing, isn’t that right, ladies and gentlemen? (Said to Blue.) Now go get ready, and break a leg. (To Al) Not you! You stay put! (Said to the audience.) While we wait for Blue, let’s see what other wildlife is in the Fox’s den tonight! I think we’ve all gotten (Al gets up to follow.) to know Mr. Nobody a little. –We’re still sticking with nobody, eh?
Al: Nessuno. Nobody is who I am.
Snowy: And let’s get a double-shot of self-esteem with a hug chaser of modesty to the lady with no name - on the house! (Moving towards Govy Furlough.) And who do we have here? I thought I saw you earlier. Govy Furlough, you should know better than to hide from me. (To audience.) Since cultured folks such as yourselves clearly can’t be preoccupied with reading, I’ll give you the skinny. Govy is the Senior Senator from our fine state! Stand up and meet your constituency (Get him to stand and get the audience to applaud.) He’s a humble servant of the people who doesn’t miss an opportunity to poll the electorate. So men, keep a close eye on your wives and daughters and a closer one on your wallets. But in all honesty, he’s our Senator from this great state and he’s the best politician money can buy. So remember to give him your vote- once, twice or three times even. But I’m not one to knock a fella down without giving him a chance to speak for himself, so the floor recognizes the Senior Senator. Have anything for the record?
Blue: I do – Bugsy said he was a crook!
Snowy: (Chuckling.) Ah yes…. Well, thank you, Blue. Govy, have a seat and enjoy your evening. Personally, I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes since they’re likely to be filled with cement before too long. Who else do we have with us tonight? I believe I saw Debbie Taunt, the John D. Stonefeller’s granddaughter, here as well. Go ahead and stand up, hon’- don’t be shy! It’s been days since anyone’s been bitten in my joint without payin’ for it. (Get her to stand up and get audience to applaud.) For all you eligible bachelors, she’s still single. I gotta warn you though, coming from a family like the Stonefellers, she’s got a lifestyle she’s accustomed to. Anything you would like to add, Ms. Taunt?
Blue: I do! She might be rich, but she can’t sing a lick. (Sing really bad in the background to mock Debbie.)
Snowy: We don’t lick sing here, Blue. Besides, when you’re that rich, you pay others to sing for you. Ms. Taunt, please take a seat and get comfortable.
Mata: (Enters and moves to take her seat.)
Snowy: (Seeing Mata.) And speaking of A-list entertainment, look who just arrived – fashionably late, I might add.
Mata: Darling, I was just letting you warm up the room for me. You know you can’t just crank up the heat without stocking the fire.
Snowy: Ladies and gentlemen, we are very fortunate indeed. (To Mata) You don’t grace us very often.
Mata: Even mongrels get to bask in the sun too, Snowy. And besides, I was in this neck of the woods tidying up some business.
Snowy: This, ladies and gentlemen, if I have to introduce this lady to you, you’re clearly not from our fair city is the most influential woman in the city. So for you, our out-of-towners, I am pleased to introduce Mata Harry. As some of you gents might know, she runs a high society entertainment business.
Mata: (Walks over to a table looks at a man.) Forget it, Workin’ Joe, you can’t even afford to dream about it. (To Snowy.) Are we waitin’ for somethin’, Snowy, or were we supposed to bring our own entertainment? I know workin’ Joe is hoping for his own entertainment!
Snowy: Not waiting for a thing.
Mata: Good. Now if only there was a seat. (Approaching a man with date in the audience.) Hey there, big boy- is this lap taken? (Starts to suggest that she’ll sit and stops.) Or maybe I’ll do you a favor and not. (Moves away.) Tell your wife how pretty she is or the only way you’re gonna feel soft, warm buns tonight is if you stop by the bakery.
Blue: (From behind screen) Snowy, if she takes a seat, you won’t get it back. Her real business is men and getting what she wants from them. Bugsy said she takes men’s money just for pleasure. She must be a pick pocket or somethin’.
Mata: (Adjusts herself.) Or somethin’!
Blue: Good for you- I hope they helped you draft a will, `cause talkin’ like that you’re gonna need it.
Snowy: Blue, Mata- no cat fights in my joint! That house is down the street! Now, before someone loses an eye, and in the spirit of making proper introductions - ladies and gentleman, and also the majority of you here- we have in our midst a bright star from the constellation, Hollywood. You know her from her films, “The Flapper” and, “Get Out. Get Under”.
Blue: (Interrupting bluntly.) More like, “Getting Under to Get Off”.
Snowy: Blue, you really oughta save your voice for your act. (Continuing with her introduction.) Her new picture, “Why Change Your Wife?”- men, not a word from any one of you - premiers next week. Gals, you’ve wanted to be her, and guys you’ve just wanted her - give a round of applause for Yum Yum Sugar! -Yum Yum, stand and take a bow! (Audience applauds.)
Blue: That’s right, stand up and bend over- it’s the only way anyone’s likely to recognize you!
Al: Miss Singa, may I share with you a term very near to my heart? Cement! Either engage in the business you have chosen and sing, or enjoy its embrace. There’s been enough theatrics from you tonight.
Blue: Well, if we’re lookin’ for theatrics, we can’t count on Yum Yum…
Snowy: (Cutting the escalating tension short) Soooo, before we turn into an angry mob. (looking at and indicating increasing suspicion towards Al). Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Blue Singa to the stage with, “My Loving Man”.
Blue: (Blue glides easily onto the stage like a queen confident in the mastery of her realm. Triumphant in her domain, she looks straight at Yum Yum as she says next line) This is for my baby-sweet Bugsy… Play it, Sam. Play it.
Sound Eng: Really? It’s Phil! What’s so hard about Phil?
Blue: (Blue, oblivious to the protest makes a motion to start music. The song is personal and Blue has changed the lyrics. Be strong during the song but parts of it will be emotional.) Doesn’t matter just play it! (During the song Curley Moe enters and gives the ledger he has to an audience person.)
Music Cue: (Music: My Loving Man Lyrics: Cynthia Saari)
I've been in love with you for all time.
Bugsy, you know that this is so.
I cherish you.
You know it's true.
You are my lover boy.
I never asked you for a handcuff.
I know our love is gonna' last.
You are my man.
My loving man
How can I make you know?
Bugsy, you make my heart skip a beat,
My Casanova.
You are my heart's desire.
I need you by my side,
Oh Bugsy, how I love you.
You are the best thing that has ever happened in my life.
Bugsy, I treasure you.
I want a lifetime to be forever in your arms.
(During the song, Curley Moe enters and gives the ledger to audience #1.)
Hello Hello
How could you leave me all alone
Alone
Alone
How am I to be alone
Bugsy Bugsy
Why won’t ou answer when I call
Oh no,
Oh no,
I think that there’s something wrong
Thank you, all! You’re a great crowd (looking at Yum Yum) -mostly. Have another drink before it gets legal, and I’ll be back in a tick to keep us disreputable. It seems a wash-out has left me glistening, and my nose needs a powder. So it’s ciao, but only for now. (She goes to exit.)
Snowy: (From the mic stand.) Let’s have a round of applause for her…. Where else are you going to get a song with that voice and improv all at once? -Maybe something just a little more upbeat next time, eh Blue?
Curley: (Cutting Snowy off.) Hold it right there, doll face.
Snowy: Doll face? I’m not a toy, and I don’t play - not in my joint.
Curley: (Looking around.) Cozy little watering hole ya got here and a regular menagerie of wildlife come to drink.
Snowy: What do you want? And make it quick before you hurt yourself with all those big words.
Curley: Not you, the canary!
Blue: (You know Curley so you’re surprised he is being so mysterious.) Me?
Curley: You answered, `nd I ain’t seein’ no ones else that’s a canary- so good guess. I’s wants to talk to ya!
Snowy: Just a minute there, Mac….Curley needs to be face to face with Snowy.)
Curley: (Cuts Snowy off.) Doll face! Names not Mac and all this chit-chat’s gonna do is get you acquainted with a doctor, but not the way your mama hoped for you. –I’m talkin’ to the canary, so shut your yap or else. (To the audience) –And that goes for the rest’a yous too. There ain’t no group discount at the hospital or undertaker.
Blue: Curley Moe, we can be reasonable- you don’t have to be a brute about this.
Snowy: Reasonable went out the window with “doll face”, Blue, and when Mac here started givin’ me orders in my place. Why in the hell should I be quiet?
Curley: That’s Curley Moe, doll face, or don’t you hear so good? -I guess not if you booked her to sing.
Snowy: I can spot a stooge at a mile, Curley Moe but I ain’t havin’ to look that far. And I sure as hell ain’t heard no reason to be quiet and not have you tossed out and back into the gutter you crawled out of.
Curley: (Tapping the bulge under his coat as he speaks) I have a bean shooter under my jacket that will be happy to give you six reasons (holds up 5 fingers.) to keep your yap closed.
Mata: (Not intimidated) Is it six or five?
Curley: Whaddaya mean six or five?
Mata: Well, you said six but you only held up five fingers. So which is it?
Curley: Listen doll, I only have five fingers to hold up.
Mata: So, little man, there can only be 5 reasons.
Curley: No, there’s six - cause I have six bullets.
Mata: So why didn’t you hold up six fingers?
Curley: I’m gonna drill ya if you don’t stop it!
Mata: This mouth gets me drilled all the time, but I’ve got standards and you don’t come close to meeting `em.
Blue: Mata, he’s got a gun!
Curley: A big one.
Mata: Well, don’t jerk it too fast, baby- it’s liable to go off too soon. But you know all about that, don’t you?
Blue: Curley, say your peace. You and Mata can flirt later.
Curley: I need you to…. Oh sorry. Boss said I should always be polite to a lady with nice bubs and well I know you ain’t a lady but your bubs are nice and you are a broad and I can’t see why it wouldn’t apply to broads with nice bubs – politeness is so confusing. How about I just introduce myself - I’m Curley…Curley Moe.
Mata: Pleased to meet ya.
Blue: I know who you are, Curley. You’re Bugsy Moronski’s muscle, Mata- I see him `round Bugsy’s place all the time. –But my Bugsy wouldn’t send him to speak to me unless (glancing at Yum Yum). Yum Yum, stand up!
Curley: Yummy stay seated! I know you know who I am. I’m just trying to treat you the way my boss would want me to treat you.
Blue: (a little nervous) Treat me for what?
Curley: I wanna treat you nice and ask ya a few questions - Bugsy-related stuff.
Blue: (A little defiant.) And if I don’t feel like answering?
Curley: You have to answer.
Blue: (A little scared.) Why?
Curley: Because I said so.
Mata: She doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to!
Blue: When Bugsy hears how you’re talkin’ to me, it will be the last thing you ever hear. Yeah, the last thing.
Curley: (Incredulously) Yeah - you would say that, wouldn’t you? Set the stage for your audience.
Blue: My audience. Mr. Nobody over there just waltzes and starts talking about the rain in Spain or Germany or something like that and he gets the red carpet.
Curely: What, what’d ya say? (Turns around and sees Al.) Her? (Pointing at Al.) That woman is not a nobody!
Al: I’m thinking I want to hear this man’s questions too (to Blue) and your answers. I’m starting to get the sense that his business interests may intersect with mine.
Blue: Mr. Nobody speaks again! How’s a nobody know Bugsy’s muscle?
Mata: Because, that nobody is somebody, Blue. Snowy, your joint’s just turning into a who’s-who collection of low life scum. Blue, meet Al Caponski.
Blue: (Aghast) The Al Caponski?
Al: There ain’t no other.
Mata: Al’s a real high profile low-life. She’s sent so many guys to sleep with the fishes, they call her The Codfather. I’d say I was surprised you didn’t recognize her, Blue- but I overlooked her myself- I must be slippin’. She blends into the shadows real natural, don’t she? How’s things with the cozy nostrils?
Al: (Laughing off annoyance) Fine and how are you, Mata? It’s been too long –or not long enough, I can’t decide which.
Mata: Whatever do you mean, Al?
Al: You still pumpin’ guys for what you want?
Mata: Depends on the guy and what I want. You still pumpin’ `em full of lead for what you want?
Al: At least my way’s done upright.
Mata: Somebody’s got a lack of imagination. You know, you’re still that bully I knew as a kid. By the way, I was genuinely saddened to hear about your father.
Al: Save the sad songs for the canary. He never spoke of you.
Mata: Why would he?
Al: Don’t play games with me!
Mata: I’m not!
Al: You manipulate people!
Mata: I’m an information broker.
Al: Right and I’m Elliot Ness.
Curley: No – you’re Al Caponski.
Blue: Junior!
Al: (To Blue.) And you’d better sleep with one eye open! Mata, you’re lucky we’ve got history, and that my father, (making the Sign of The Cross) God rest his soul, respected you.
Curley: You got history with a lot of our friends, Al. Many of them dead! How long you been in town?
Al: Long enough to know Bugsy’s runnin’ it like he don’t want the job no more.
Curly: Which leads me to ask, what’s your business here?
Al: Family business.
Curly: (Suspiciously) Family business…right! Sad thing is that Bugsy would’a taken it as a sign of great disrespect had he heard you was in town and not come to see him. You know, Bugsy forgave you for that thing on Valentine’s Day. You always played a wicked Chicago piano, Al- a true artist. Bugsy, he never asked any questions and just accepted it as part of the business we have chosen. But not coming to see your own flesh and blood that would have broken his heart….
Al: Bugsy broke my heart!
Curly: You broke his heart first!
Mata: (To Snowy) D’ya feel that? I think their cycles are syncing up!
Al & Curly: (To Mata) Shaddap!
Mata: And now they’re bonding….
Blue: (Confused) How do you know my man Mr. Caponski?
Mata: Because Blue, they’re brother and sister.
Al: Half-brothers.
Blue: But you look nothing alike….
Curley: That’s because Al is Italian-American, and Bugsy is American-Italian.
Blue: That’s the same thing!
Curley: No it’s not!
Blue: Yes, it is!
Curley: No it’s not!
Blue: Yes, it is!
Al: Stop it the two of you’s before I put both of you’s on ice!
Curley: You can try!
Al: My father (making the Sign of The Cross) and that fettucine carbonara – Bugsy’s father - broke my Ma’s heart!
Mata: (To the audience in general) Is anyone else picking up on a theme in this family? (Looking around) Broken hearts!
Kuper: (Enters, unnoticed in the verbal melee. Stands at the edge of the commotion, observing.)
Curly: Your brother would’a forgave you for disrespecting him. If only, you would’a reached out to him.
Blue: What do you mean, would’a? Why do you keep talking about my Bugsy in the past tents?
Mata: Tense, darling, tense. –Christ, now I’m my third grade teacher.
Kuper: Tense is pretty good description of what we have going on here tonight.
Blue: It’s a raid!!! Everyone, run for it. (Want audience to get up and start to leave. In the chaos, Curley gets a table to stand up and start to walk out. Hide in the middle of them.) It’s Kopper!
Kuper: Everyone, stay in your seats and this isn’t a raid. I came alone. (Curley starts working his way out of the room with his table.)
Snowy: If this isn’t a raid, then why are you here?
Kuper: I am looking for Curley Moe.
Mata: Kuper - Curley is trying to sneak out.
Kuper: Curley! Get over here!!!
Curley: Mata, what did I ever do to ya that ya’d rat me out?
Mata: Nothing – you never gave me anything.
Curley: You never asked.
Mata: You should have known.
Curley: I should have known about something that ya’ never asked about resulting in ya’ ratting me out for something I didn’t know. (Pause) Are we married?
Kuper: Curely! Stop fooling around and get over here!
Snowy: (Uneasy) So Detective Kopper, if this isn’t raid, is this a bust, or is it something else?
Kuper: (Looking Snowy up and down) It’s respectable. (Seeing Mata.) Well, hello Mata.
Mata: Detective.
Kuper: Mata.
Mata: Detective. (Kuper goes to respond Mata stops him.) Don’t! What brings you here tonight? I thought you picked up your kickbacks the first of the month?
Kuper: Funny, Mata. You know I’m clean. I’m just a detective doing his job. The job the district attorney gave me.
Mata: (Looking around.) He’s here for his payoff too? Be careful, Snowy, any more humble, public servants and this place might get a reputation for bein’ reputable.
Al: And if you’re rootin’ around with questions, pig- that means you ain’t got nothin’ on no one, and we could all just leave.
Kuper: Afraid not, Al. Look around…I don’t see a table in this joint that ain’t got a glass of illegal liquor on it. I figured things might get a little rough, so I brought the whole vice squad with me to help round everybody in the place up if they leave before my say so. They’re outside right now, all I have to do is call.
Al: You can’t call if you ain’t breathin’!
Snowy: (Very nervous) There’s no need to be hasty! I mean, we’re just talking about some questions, right?
Al: Not really. Questions means answers, answers mean trouble and trouble is something I don’t need. So, let me put things in perspective for you. I happen to know that the mayor likes a nice, single-malt scotch from time to time, and I know how he goes about getting’ it. I don’t think he wants me spillin’ my guts on the booze racket. Ain’t that right?
Kuper: Maybe not- but do you know a guy by the name of Louie The Weasel?
Al: (Smiling) Sure, poor guy had an accident. He got hit by a train- twice. (Chuckling) Pop goes The Weasel! (More chuckling.)
Curley: That’s pretty funny, Al!
Kuper: And a good citizen stepped forward to make an identification for the one who helped The Weasel onto the track. How you feel about a line-up there, Al? Shall I continue?
Curley: Go ahead, Kopper. I’m sure they’ll find out sooner or later. I would have just preferred they found out later.
Kuper: Everyone - Bugsy Moronski is dead.
Blue: What do you mean, Bugsy’s dead?!
Kuper: I dunno, how many meanings are there? He’s teets-up… Beddin’ down for a dirt nap… Takin’ harp lessons from St. Peter…
Blue: (Distraught with the news settling in) Dead! DEAD!!!!! How did it happen?
Kuper: The normal way, he stopped breathin’.
Blue: How could he do that to me? (Blue runs off crying. Snowy goes to her side.)
Mata: Is this some kind of scam?
Kuper: I assure you it isn’t.
Snowy: Are you sure it’s Bugsy?
Kuper: I’m sure. Just ask Curley!
Curley: Yep, he’s a stiff all right. (Blue cries louder and Snowy continues to comfort her.)
Al: Kopper….I demand protection. I don’t want any of those cheap flat foots but someone like …. Yeah someone like you!
Kuper: Why would you, the great Al Caponski, heir to become the leader of one of the most public organizations in the world, want with my protection?
Al: Geesh, do I have to draw you a picture with all those dots on it? That should be obvious. First my brother Johnnie, (Making the sign of the cross), God rest his soul, about a month ago, then my father, (Making the sign of the cross), God rest his soul, and now, (Making the sign of the cross), God rest his soul, my brother. It is only a matter of time before they get me.
Mata: Kopper – Johnnie Caponski and Al Caponski Sr., her father and older brother were found dead with a bullet between their eyes. It makes sense that Al would be next. Someone’s moving in. Everyone is tight lipped on the subject.
Kuper: You know this how?
Mata: Govy Furlough told me.
Snowy: Then, how did Bugsy die?
Kuper: I’m not at liberty to discuss that.
Curley: The same way as Caponski’s dad and brother.
Kuper: Curley, so help me!
Curley: I did help you. I told everyone how Bugsy died!
Kuper: That’s not helping.
Curley: Yes, it is!
Kuper: No, it’s not!
Curley: Yes, it is!
Kuper: No, it’s not!
Al: Will the two of you give it a rest before someone puts me to rest!
Kuper: You may have a point. Curley, since you were Bugsy’s body guard, why don’t you provide Ms. Caponski the same quality protection?
Al: Oh, no, you don’t. I don’t want the mighty mite here who couldn’t keep my own brother safe, no offense meant.
Curley: I assure you I’m offended. Kopper, I won’t do it.
Kuper: Why not?
Curley: I’m here to find Bugsy’s killer.
Kuper: And what will you do when you find them?
Curley: I’m Bugsy’s Button man – what do you think?
Snowy: Well, button man, do you know who did it?
Curley: Yes, I do….
Blue: He’s here to kill me. (She exits.)
Curley: What a sap. (Takes off after her.)
Kuper: Hmm, this was unexpected. Nobody leave. (Goes to go after them. Stops.) I’ll be right back. (Goes after the other two. Stops again.) Get a drink or something. Curley, don’t you lay a hand on Blue until I get a chance to talk to her.
Snowy: (Goes to microphone.) Well, ladies and gentlemen, that is why Foxy’s Den is the most exciting gin joint this side of the Mississippi. Now Blue was supposed to sing the next song but I don’t think she is available. So it looks like it will have to be me. Can we have everyone please take their seats?
Al: You are just going to go on with the show?
Snowy: Of course. This is a speakeasy. I can’t do anything about this other matter since it is in police hands. So – play it, Sam.
Techie: My name is Phil! Dames!!!
Cue (Music: Moonshine Hustle (By the Beautiful Sea)
(During this time Curley, Kopper and Blue will be coming in and exiting. The words need to help them move.)
When you run moonshine, you’re a business man
Keeping the fam’ly fed the best you can.
It don’t matter what copper knows
I’m on my toes
He won’t get close
By corn, sell shine, that’s how you make a buck
Sing in the gin joints, never down on my luck,
Hiding from the bull,
Watch the double cross,
No, you won’t catch me.
Verse 1
On the run, on the lam, copper is closing in
Hide the hooch, Keep your lips sealed, FBI raid!
Rain in Spain mainly on the plain.
Who are your true friends?
Keep your adversaries even closer.
Frame a fall guy who’s left holding the bag.
Slip away, bullets spray, I avoid a squeeze play.
Copper’s a sap. Running bootlegs a breeze.
You can’t catch me,
No, you can’t catch me.
Verse 2
Tired now on the running. I cannot stop yet
Peddle shine, visit friends and collect on a bet,
Rain in Spain still is on the Plain.
Where are you true friends?
Never let your adversaries
out of sight or you will be had.
Slip away, bullets spray, I am not a cliché
Copper’s a sap. Running bootlegs a breeze.
You can’t catch me,
No you can’t catch me.
Thank you, everyone. Thank you.
Blue: (Wait for applause to end. Come running in, Curley following, Kopper just behind.) I give up. Just shoot me, Curley, and get it over with.
Curley: I’m not going to shoot you.
Kuper: What do you mean you’re not going to shoot her? Why were you chasing her?
Curley: I wanted to ask her some questions.
Mata: This is more fun than a night with you, Govy – a lotta more action and we actually get somewhere. Yum Yum, do you have any real life stories that rival this? (Pause for Yum Yum.) Didn’t think so – actors are so boring.
Snowy: Nice to see we are all one big happy family again.
Kuper: Curley, why do you need to talk to Blue?
Blue: (Weeping) Because I was the last one to see Bugsy today.
Al: Was he alive when you saw him?
Blue: (Crying.) No.
Kuper: When was that?
Blue: 4pm.
Kuper: There we have it. Maybe we can start to get to the bottom of this mess now.
Snowy: I agree. Blue, why did you ask if he was coming tonight if you knew he was dead?
Blue: (Still crying.) If I said anything, someone might think I did it and I didn’t do it. (Walks over and borrows a handkerchief.) You using this? (Picks it up and blows her nose.) Thank you.
Mata: If you didn’t do it, you should have said something. Now we all think you did do it.
Blue: (Whimpering.) Bees knees. If I said nothing, you’d think I did it and now I said something and you still think I did it.
Kuper: So did you do it?
Blue: No, I didn’t do it. How many times must I say it? (Stomping her foot down.) I didn’t do it….I didn’t do it…I didn’t do it. (Pause.) How did he die?
Curley: Lead poisoning.
Al: Seems to be an epidemic these days.
Kuper: Hey can’t you see the dear lamb’s grapplin’ with all kinds’a emotions? (To Blue) It was lobotomy. Up close ‘n personal. Damn near took his face clean off like it did the back of his head. Real messy, let me tell ya! Two detectives lost their lunches right there! (Seeing Blue getting sick to her stomach.) Sorry, but he didn’t feel a thing – probably.
Al: Kuper…you’re a real piece of work, ya’ know! But what I can’t figure out is – the canary (pointing at Blue) there said she was there at the same time as Yum Yum and that was around 10:30 (am).
Curley: Oh, she was early. Her standard appointment with Bugsy was at 4:00pm. I tried to get her to leave but she walked in on Yum Yum and Bugsy.
Blue: But I didn’t do it.
Kuper: Nobody said you did it.
Blue: But you think I did it.
Kuper: Dry up, doll. You’re coming with me down to the clubhouse for questioning.
Blue: Not goin’…no sirree, not doin’ it. I know what questionin’ means. You’ll lock me in a room and give me lots of water and you won’t let me use the john.
Snowy: Hold on a minute, Kopper. Blue still has another song to sing. You don’t have anything on her so why don’t you just leave and come back when you have something more substantial?
Kuper: May I remind you, Snowy, that you only keep this joint open because I turn a blind eye to your “legal” operation?
Snowy: So are you going to threaten me when Senator Furlough, Yum Yum Sugar and Debbie Taunt are here? In front of all these very important people, you want to shut down this establishment? You’re that dumb, Kopper?
Kuper: (Looks around.) I’ll wait.
Snowy: That’s what I thought.
Curley: I’m outta here.
Kuper: You can go if you wanna.
Curley: You’re not gonna try an’ stop me?
Kuper: No.
Mata: Why you being so soft?
Kuper: Not being soft. It just so happens that Pat Mulcahy and four of his biggest, ugliest brothers are on the Vice Squad – just outside.
Curley: What of it? I ain’t got a beef with the man.
Kuper: No, but your side hustle with collections had you meet their wee brother, Matty over the matter of a pony, I think. Sad thing is that wee Matty could dance the jig like the Devil himself before you met him, and not so much now.
Curley: He needed to be reminded of his financial obligations to my employer. Legs get broke sometimes.
Kuper: And I’m sure Pat and the boys are eager to have you explain it to them- they have a few questions of their own for you…. Or, you can stay in Snowy’s lovely establishment a spell longer and answer mine.
(Curley takes a seat.)
Curley: Looks like I’m stayin’ too.
Kuper: That’s a good idea and you might want to buy Mata a drink seeing how she saved your life.
Curley: I have to admit, Kuper, that’s a good idea.
Mata: Whadda you say we all go get a drink/dinner?
Snowy: Hey everyone! The bar’s open. If you ain’t drinkin’ there somethin’ wrong with ya’. I can’t pay these bills with looks alone! So men, get your wallets open and buy the special someone a drink. I’ll be back after I check on few business matters.
SO ENDS THIS PERUSAL COPY OF "MOONSHINE MURDERS".
The possession of this PERUSAL SCRIPT does not grant performance rights to this play. Proper application must be made to SCOTT CHERNEY/ PLAYWRIGHT REPRESENTATIVE at: writtenbysc@gmail.com before performances may be given. Do not duplicate this script without license or written permission.
